Frank, Fiddy, and The FOX Nation

Oh boy, if you thought a four day Memorial Day weekend was a nice present to receive on a Friday then you probably aren’t as cynical as I am since I was browsing The FOX Nation today and found, not one, but TWO horrible, stereotypical, and bigoted stories that the usual Einsteins over at that last bastion of ‘Fair and Balanced’ opinion decided to pick up on. And even better, one story is about every Conservative’s favorite Congressman from Massachusetts (who just happens to be gay) and the other concerns every Conservative’s favorite Vitamin Water spokesperson and bad-ass rap star (who just happens to be black). Try guessing what the common thread is in the comments on both posts (hint: it’s a disease that only homosexuals and black people can get apparently!).

The first FOX Nation post concerned Rep. Barney Frank making a hilariously off-hand statement about newly elected Hawaiian Rep. Charles Djou. Since apparently Hawaii is the bottleneck through which every Kenyan-born illegal Communist alien pours through and infects this country with their disgusting foreignness Frank suggested that perhaps the press should be putting a little bit of effort into tracking down Djou’s birth certificate, cause, ya know, he could be an EVIL USURPER! The FOX Nation was not amused:

Karen Rogers lays down out her diagnosis for Barney Frank, “useing your appendage for the correct, opposite sex body part”. Get that man 500cc of vagina STAT!

HE HE HO HO!!!!! indeed!

Honey, you haven’t needed a license to operate a dress and fake boobs in Boston since the 1970s.

Wait that whole rent boy thing was being run out of Barney Frank’s house?

GROSS!

Batnam has a preoccupation with Frank’s “disgusting POL”

It’s not like the man’s been in Congress since the 1980s or anything.

Damn I need to move to Mass. it sounds like Barney throws some of the best parties in town.

Your comment must have been PRETTY RIDICULOUS if The FOX Nation found it necessary to moderate it! Not like they do a good job of doing that anyway (that’s why Politisink is here).

Our next story focuses on the star of ’50 Cent: Blood on the Sand’, semi-successful rap artist, and wildly successful beverage salesman 50 Cent! Fiddy has been flying under the radar recently working on his budding film career. For his latest role in the movie “Things Fall Apart”, 50 Cent will be playing a football player who is diagnosed with cancer. Because Hollywood special effects have not yet come to the point where we can digitally retouch actor’s faces and appearance, Fiddy lost a shocking amount of weight to properly portray his character in the film:

OMG he’s like REALLY sickly looking! Does he have like cancer or AIDS or did he get a Ballerectomy or something? Can the people at The FOX Nation even bother to read the two sentence excerpt from the three sentence post on 50 Cent’s website? The answer to every question you have is “Nope!”:

Everyone was keen on the money puns for this story (since black people shouldn’t be allowed to have money ROFLMAOLOL!)

You know AIDS is transmitted by pork chops, right?

50 Cent does porno? What industry HASN’T this man curb-stomped every last dollar out of?

DADT?

President Bush PERSONALLY gave 50 Cent AIDS. You heard it here first.

Pot calling the kettle black? Black people smoke pot. Smoke is what happens when there’s a fire. Fire is primarily orange and red. Mao’s Communist manifesto is bound in a red cov– OH MY FUCKING GOD 50 CENT IS A COMMUNIST! Go read a book!

Why can’t it be all 3?

See you thought I was kidding about the puns!

And there you have it readers. The FOX Nation: still a horrible cesspool of stay-at-home moms and unemployed NASCAR fans with exactly no comment moderation whatsoever and enough brain power between the 300 or so comments on each story to come up with the same tired gay jokes and AIDS puns we read on in their comments last week.

EDIT: Made a slight correction, thanks for the note TC (I for one blame all the gold I’ve been stockpiling).